Marriage, With All The Trappings

Bridezilla sporting a dress that paints them as a fairy princess in white, shrouded in a veil that sinched their bonds of love with the ‘last words’ of “I do”, both being led into a force fed fairy tale that we’ve believed to more than it actually is–Marriage!

Marriage is an idealistic institution concocted by the government set up years ago to gain ownership over women as property. But over the many years it has changed to be a rather skewed form of wedlock that many don’t take too seriously, given the fact that divorce rates are skyrocketing higher than any other time in history.

From almost infancy we’re forced to believe that marriage is the panacea of all our ills in life, and that the person whom we choose to spend the rest of our lives with will actually not cheat or divorce us at the first sign of problems within the marriage. Security, commitment, and the happily ever after is an idealistic viewpoint, and most can’t or don’t live up to the reality of what marriage is, and, with the over 65% divorce rate in the U.S., those sentiments are sadly not based in anything other than fantasy.

The ‘ideals’ of marriage is kind of like watching a movie, momentarily suspending disbelief for the purpose of believing that the farce we’ve been led to believe, can live up to the dream. Faced with facts that are solely setting this institution up for failure with the numerous reasons why marriages fail, men and women just don’t want to believe the realities that they are confronted with.

Instead of enhancing a relationship, many time people feel marriage replaces true attraction and the ideals of what marriage is supposed to be, with a institution and a feeling of being trapped.

On a more innate and fundamental aspect of human courtship, marriage goes against the very fabric of our being. In most every species on this planet, the mating rituals do not link together only one male and one female for life. It is the natural course of instincts that allows us to perpetuate our species by selecting several mates throughout our lifetime keeping our species thriving. But marriage has stripped away this innate characteristic.

The institution of marriage replaces an independently constructed relationships with a single social contract that attempts to compact years of development into indeed, heartfelt vows and a single binding sentence of: “I do.” It is like buying your diploma from a mail order company rather than actually going to college. The problem is, most leap into marriage with their hearts and not their heads. There are courses on cooking that employ a larger time frame learning the makings of a soup base than there is to leap into a legal binding, financially draining, and emotionally binded arrangement that marriage is.

It is the perception of the supposed guarantees that marriage offers which is ingrained into our minds since childhood, and seemingly having this ‘fairy-tale’ life given to them simply by getting married.

The realities are that men cheat, as do women, because they are not getting what they otherwise would be getting outside of the marriage. What this is, is freedom, and an intrinsic desire to perpetuate our species and move on. For men, it’s quite easy to do this as their brains are wired to do so, however women would rather have a sense of security instead of spreading their seed.

A contract, or a vow of marriage doesn’t precede this deeply rooted chemical human characteristic to procreate. What marriage can do most times is trying to re-wire the brain which can not be done, no matter the intent. It’s selfish and serves no purpose other than to hold a false bond onto someone else’s life with a contractual basis signed on the dotted line.

The legal rights that marriage offers alone certainly would persuade couples to get married. Indeed married couples have many more benefits of a legal nature than non-married couples. For this reason alone, marriage is a construct that can ensure certain rights, particularly tax benefits, health care options, and survival benefits.
The proponents of marriage hold that it is a sacred tradition that should be held in the highest esteem allowing it only to be undertaken by a man and a woman. How selfish a notion to keep away the supposed ‘unworthy’ ones who want to marry simply because of a religiously held prejudices against certain groups of people, namely same sex couples.

No matter the veil of ‘holiness’ that religious folk find themselves wrapped in, this shouldn’t preclude anyone from wanting to get married if they so choose. It’s amazing and shocking to see a ‘religious’ sect of people holding a sign which states “God Hates Fags”. What they may fail to realize when they are pointing one finger of judgement toward another, the other three fingers are pointing back at them.

Many people want to ban gay marriage because of this strong held ‘belief’ that gay men and gay women shouldn’t be allowed to marry because it would taint the sanctity of what marriage represents. What some fail to realize is that what has tainted marriage is divorce.

Those proponents say ban gay marriage, but if they want to keep marriage ‘sacred’, ban divorce! Then there would be an equally challenging and more serious prospect into wanting to leap into marriage because of the consequence of not being able to get out of this instituion.

Companionship and relationships are what keeps our species alive and thriving, and the need to share intimacy and love is the foundation of our existence. This is the commonality that we all share throughout our life. Nothing else binds us together stronger than this. But to try to enshroud this innate experience by encasing it in an unrealistic manner, we strip away the natural course of our being. It’s like encasing a butterfly in a box, pinning it to enjoy it’s beauty, all the while destroying it’s life.

Life is an ebb and flow which is continually founded in change, and with it brings happiness and disappointments. But greater than that is lessons of life that we all must stumble upon which shape us into the people we become.
The marriage laws that disallow anyone to marry by religious groups, media campaigns, modernization of family traditions, and the social economic impact has skewed the realities of that institution.

The bonds of love and committment are not found with a piece of paper, but in the hearts of those who choose to embrace that sentiment.

Truly the ideals of what marriage represents is wrapped in a tidy package of meet, greet, date, fall in love, get married, and live happily every after. It’s a fantasy many subscribe to from childhood stories in books and movies, and perpetuated by their parents, religion, government, media and everything else that promotes marriage.
The best we can hope for is to share as many special bonds of friendship and love that we can, taking the most from each person and allowing that to fill our lives, taking the best of what each person has given us and hold it into our memories and hearts lasting a lifetime.

For if this were the case then you would have found the most important part of what we are all searching for with someone, and that, is what binds us all together and gives us true meaning.


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